Craig Crane

today, the BBC asked its web readers to write a speach for the Oscars… you know, I wanna thank mother and God…

Well, I indulged them.. although obviously I cant take credit for the written word, thats all Bill…. but the last bit (by me) kinda sums up how vacuous the awards really are….

So, speech by Bill, reasoning by me…

I mean, yes… its nice to acknowledge artists when they create nice works of art… but all the award nominees in the main catagories are all on such inflated wages, do they really need the kind of ego massaging that comes with an added oscar?

I dont think so.

Instead of picking up an Oscar, why dont you step into the real world and pick up an issue and see what changes you can affect??

I have a feeling Bill is laughing his socks of right now… where ever he is, he is laughing.

Why?

Because some poor sap has just spent 1.5 million on the window that Lee Harvey Oswald killed JFK from.

Or

Some poor dick has just paid 1.5 million quid for a window. I guess it depends on which conspiracy you subscribe to. Personally, I think that if you really wanted a window, you should just call the nice guys at Everest, and they’ll fit the best!

See, like Bill, I subscribe to the fact that there was no one in the window…

“I love talking about Kennedy. I was just down in Dallas, Texas. You know you can go down there and, er, to Dealey Plaza where Kennedy was assassinated. And you can actually go to the sixth floor of the Schoolbook Depository. It’s a museum called… ‘The Assassination Museum’. I think they named that after the assassination. I can’t be too sure of the chronology here but… Anyway they have the window set up to look exactly like it did on that day. And it’s really accurate, you know, cos Oswald’s not in it.” Bill Hicks

So, why on earth would anyone want to buy a nondescript window because it is supposed to be where a man who was never proven to have been the killer sat and killed a man with what can only be described as a magic bouncing bullet??? Now, the bullet… thats worth 1.5 million… but the window??? C’mon! I got 11 windows you could have bought from me for a fraction of the price..